Sunnah ways to keep your wife happy: Marriage is a blessing from Allah SWT, it is a kind of tool to come closer to Allah SWT. Marriage is the beginning of a new family and the making of new relationships. Marriage is not just honeymoons and fancy dinners, it takes hard work and commitment from both sides to make a marriage work or go smoothly.
It is important to understand that nobody’s marriage is perfect. Nikah, the word used for marriage, is mentioned several times in the Quran. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ has said:
When a man marries he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half. –SAHIH
How Can You Try To Be An Ideal Husband?
The bond between husband and wife holds such significance that Prophet Muhammad ﷺ addressed it in his farewell speech on the last Hajj, emphasizing on treating women kindly. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:
The best of you are those who are best to their wives. TIRMIDHI
How Was Prophet Muhammad As a Husband?
There are a few things Prophet Muhammad ﷺ has shown by example which if implemented in the lives of husbands can make them better spouses.
1 – Consult With Her
This is something husbands find very difficult to do. Since they are the head of the household it is beneath them to consult their wives upon important matters. She is only allowed to give her opinion on which vegetables are to be bought. If you do consult with her remember she has the right to hold a different opinion, don’t shoot her ideas down. Think about what she says you never know her advice can do wonders.
On the day of Hudaibiya, the Prophet ﷺ signed a treaty with the pagans of Makkah which included the provision that the Muslims must leave without performing pilgrimage that year. The Muslims who had come prepared in the state of ihram were angry and were reluctant to abide by this condition and did not follow Prophet Muhammad’s ﷺ orders to sacrifice their animals and shave their heads. The Prophet ﷺ was distressed and went to his wife, Umm Salamah, to relate the situation to her. She advised him to conduct these rights himself first and that his companions would follow upon seeing him do so. The Prophet ﷺ acted on this advice and his companions followed, just as Umm Salamah had predicted.- BUKHARI
2 – Learn the Art Of Communication
A few years after marriage the only exchange of words between spouses is, Hmm, and Ok! Husbands and wives should be best friends. Your conversation shouldn’t be just limited to what’s for dinner and dinner is ready. Tell her about your day, even if you think she won’t understand tell her a simplified version, make jokes, share ideas, laugh. Ask her about her day listen to her even it is as boring as the number of times she had to clean up the kitchen.
You don’t necessarily need to find a solution to her problems but lending her an ear is all that she needs. Put down your phone and listen to her if she is sad or excited or needs a shoulder to cry on. If she is angry try to calm her down other than leaving her to cool down by herself. It shows that you care. Once you have learned to communicate effectively, words won’t be needed you will be able to tell by her face or the tone of her voice what she is feeling. Our Prophet Muhammad ﷺ used to have conversations with his wives making them feel important. He always acted like a friend whom they could confide in. Aisha RA narrated Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said to her:
I know when you are pleased with me or angry with me.” I said, “Whence do you know that?” He said, “When you are pleased with me, you say, ‘No, by the Lord of Muhammad,’ but when you are angry with me, then you say, ‘No, by the Lord of Abraham.’ ” Thereupon I said, “Yes (you are right), but by Allah, O Allah’s Messenger, I leave nothing but your name.” BUKHARI
3 – Treat Her Kindly And Help Around The House
Just because Allah SWT has made you the head of the household doesn’t mean you have to exercise your authority and be demanding, rude, and arrogant. Always remember she has left behind everything for you. Make it easy for her. She isn’t your slave, she is your partner and deserves to be treated kindly and with respect. When you get home from work make sure to help her around the house, it doesn’t have to be something big, something as simple as setting the table for dinner and cleaning up after will help her a lot. It was also the Sunnah of our Prophet Muhammad as well to help with the house chores and he did his own work himself. This is a neglected Sunnah that needs to be revived. Aisha, the wife of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, was asked, “What did the Prophet ﷺ use to do in his house?” She replied, “He used to keep himself busy serving his family, and when it was the time for prayer he would go for it.”BUKHARI
You should also go through these Islamic Love Quotes for Wife & Islamic Ways to Express Love.
4 – Keep Her By Your Side
It is quite customary for husbands to leave their wives behind when it comes to their friend circle. Before getting married you had no one that was waiting for you back home. But after marriage you must take care that you don’t entertain or enjoy all by yourself, you both are incomplete without each other. It is not acceptable you go out to dinner with your friends and leave her behind. There is nothing wrong with hanging out with friends once in a while, but making it a regular weekend custom is wrong. Anas RA reported that:
Allah’s Messenger ﷺ had a Persian neighbor who made excellent soup. He prepared some for Allah’s Messenger ﷺ and then came to him to invite him to eat.
Allah’s Messenger said ﷺ, “and her too,” referring to `Aisha. The man said “No,” so Allah’s Messenger ﷺ then said “No.”
He returned later to invite him again, so Allah’s Messenger ﷺ said: “and her too.” The man said “No,” so Allah’s Messenger ﷺ then said “No.”
He returned another time to invite him and Allah’s Messenger ﷺ said, “and her too.” The man said yes on this third occasion, and they then stood eagerly to go out together to the man’s home.- MUSLIM
5 – Have Fun With Her
Making anything fun doesn’t require a lot of effort, anything can be made fun and entertaining as long as you want it to be fun. Washing dishes, an after-dinner cup of tea, a midnight snack everything can be made amusing if you put your head to it. Play with her, it could be a simple game of tic tac toe, you are bonding with her it doesn’t matter if you haven’t spent any money. The laughs, jokes, teasing her over a cup of tea is something she will cherish. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ used to play with his wives, Aisha RA reported that she accompanied the Prophet ﷺ in travel when she was still slim.
The Prophet ﷺ told people to move forward and then he asked `Aisha to race with him. They raced and `A’ishah won.
In a later journey, when `Aisha had forgotten the race and had already gained weight, the Prophet ﷺ told her to race with him again. She declined, “How can I race with you while I am in such a condition?”
The Prophet ﷺ insisted and they did the race. The Prophet ﷺ won this time. He laughed then and said, “Now, we are even.” (Authenticated by Al-Albani)
6 – Be Good To Her Family And Friends
A woman leaves her family and friends behind after marriage, it is not easy for anyone, to adjust to a completely new place and environment. Give her space to grow and make herself comfortable. Treat her family and friends kindly, spend time with them so that she can see you are trying to make an effort to blend into her family as well.
Be it dinners, picnics, or just a cup of tea sit and have meaningful conversations especially her father, your wife’s father is her idol and anyone that can make him happy won’t go unnoticed. Don’t ever put her in a position where she has to choose between her husband and her family. Aisha RA said:
I was not jealous of any wife of the Prophet as I was jealous of Khadijah, and it was not because I saw her. It was only because the Messenger of Allah mentioned her so much, and because whenever he would slaughter a sheep, he would look for Khadijah’s friends to gift them some of it. TIRMIDHI
7 – Express Your Love And Affection
Your wife won’t know what you feel until you express it in words or any sweet gesture. Show her you care with gifts or flowers. Take her out to dinner tell her she deserves a break from the kitchen as well. Just tell her that you appreciate everything that she does.
Sweet, kind words won’t cost you anything but will definitely fill her heart with love and affection towards you. Never raise your voice even if she does wrong, treat her gently. Kiss her forehead before you leave for work and after you come home. Make her feel that she was missed. Call her using nice nicknames. None of these acts of love are inappropriate all of them are Sunnah. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:
Exchange gifts as that will lead to increasing your love for one another. BUKHARI
Anas RA narrated that the Prophet ﷺ was asked,
‘O Messenger of Allah, which of the people is most beloved to you?’
He answered: “Aisha”
He was asked, ‘And among men?’
He said: ‘Her father.‘ –TIRMIDHI
This doesn’t mean you have to show a public display of affection or loudly tell the world you love her no, it just means that you are allowed to show people that she means a lot to you. It is considered taboo in our society to acknowledge or appreciate wives in front of others.
8 – Share Her Interests
Your wife has a personality of her own, she isn’t obliged to give up her likes or interests once she gets married. She will want to bathe when it rains or have ice cream when it is cold outside. You can’t stop her from pursuing her interests or hobbies or anything that amuses her, she would like it more if you could join her. Bathing in the rain would feel amazing, sharing ice cream with her partner would be a whole new experience.
Aisha RA reported:
It was the day of `Eid and some Ethiopians were playing with shields and spears. Allah’s Messenger ﷺ himself asked me whether I would like to see the display. I replied in the affirmative.
Then he let me stand behind him; my cheek was touching his cheek and he was saying, “Carry on, O Bani Arfida (i.e., Ethiopians)!” When I got tired, he asked me if that was enough. I replied in the affirmative and he told me to leave. – BUKHARI
9 – Do Not Seperate Her From Yourself
It has been practiced a lot in previous times that women were made to separate themselves from their husbands and families during menstrual periods. Islam only prohibits intimacy during a women’s that time of the month. Other than that you are not forbidden to show love and affection to your wife.
The Holy Qur’an declared that the period of menstruation was a cause of discomfort and suffering for the women so men were asked to let them alone. Prophet Muhammad treated his wives with special care during those days and showed more love and attention to them.
Yes. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ would call me to eat with him while I was menstruating. He would take a piece of bone on which some bits of meat were left and insist that I take it first, so I would nibble a little from it, then put it down. Then he would take it and nibble from it, and he would put his mouth where mine had been on the bone. Then he would ask for a drink and insist that I take it first before he drank from it. So I would take it and drink from it, then put it down, then he would take it and drink from it, putting his mouth where mine had been on the cup. -[Sunan an-Nasa’i]
Marriage In A Nutshell
A good marriage is like a recipe that needs to be perfected with time, the main ingredients being patience, kindness, humility, sacrifice, empathy, love, understanding, forgiveness, and hard work. Just like a recipe can go wrong with any of the ingredients missing, in the same way, tension or stress can be built up if the marriage isn’t worked upon by both. Learn more on this from our previous post on Beautiful Tips For Married Muslims.